I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
