GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
