he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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