I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
