you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
