i just google imaged poop.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
