either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
