her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
