i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
