yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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