just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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