i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
