There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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