And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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