i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
