dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
