You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Green mimosas i think yes
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
