Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
