i would punch a child for taco bell
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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