So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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