you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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