Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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