38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
