Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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