Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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