FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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