just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
