I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
