Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
