dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
