fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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