I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
