Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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