OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
