So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
