New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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