Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
