Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
