Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
