i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
