just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
