how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
