Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
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I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
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well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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