I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
