Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
