wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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