Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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