Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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