Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
