i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
