Is it normal to miss your booty call?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
