My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
