You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
