I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize