Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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