I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
