did you get engaged???
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
