Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.