yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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