Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
