This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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