i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
