I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
