Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
