Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
