is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
