Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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