Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
