That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
