What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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