I wish I could punch you in the face.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
