I need help removing her.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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