oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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